like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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