Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
