The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
