:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize