I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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