Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
