grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
