I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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