how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just want to make out with him forever
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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