I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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