I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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