I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
