I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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