I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize