I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
