this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
