ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize