I hate your face
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
