How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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