So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
