I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
