ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
