May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And the cops told us we were all naked.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize