So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
