i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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