I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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