She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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