i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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