Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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