So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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