Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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