I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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