I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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