He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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