What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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