i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
