you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am available for nakedness
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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