cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
