I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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