apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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