Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
