Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
