I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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