dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
