I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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