I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
