Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
