i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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