Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
