I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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