you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
