I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
