Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
