I accidentally burped into my bong.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
