I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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