I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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