does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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