Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
