Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
