tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I believe in your delicious
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
