god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
