I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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