mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
