So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
