Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
