I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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