My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
