PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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